Experiencing THE END all the time.

I realize a lot of people, sometimes even family and close friends, misunderstand me being conversational as being defensive and complaining. Well if you are able to read this blog of mine, please understand that I've always been just talkative and at times, this trait of mine gives people around me the impression that I'm always complaining and whining and being negative about the world around me. But believe me when I say I'm just being talkative. Nothing else to it. I don't mean any harm and don't think I will ever mean any malice to anyone for no reason. Casual conversations with me should be taken with a flip of your hair and a pinch of salt UNLESS I specifically point out that I'm being serious with whatever I'm saying or have said.

This is also applicable to my posts here.

The reason for this blog post title is because I thought about and came to a conclusion on something rather startling recently. Before I joined EHG, I had a 2 year relationship with someone. It was a nice, sweet relationship with the usual shit but generally, I was happy coz I could be myself with him and he accepted me wholeheartedly. I was quite the spoilt brat then also la. Anyway the point is, after I got the job, I dumped him, thinking I would be better off without him and probably will be able to find someone else easily. Of coz I was wrong. All my relationships that happened during the time I was with EHG never lasted. I attributed it to me dating the wrong men and vowed to open my eyes each and every time a relationship failed. But me being me, I would always jump right back into another relationship as soon as the guy starts to spout sweet nothings to me. I left the company in 2010 May, went on to a spa and met someone there. It was all good till I came back to dbl O and then shit happened. Met someone again in June 2011 and just about 4 days ago, the relationship went kaput again.

Well to be fair, the last relationship didn't last coz we realized we didn't click at all after he returned from his first job offshore. It was a mutual agreement and an end we both expected so it was just right for the both of us to end it and nip the problem at the bud. So that's that.

So the startling discovery is that my relationships don't seem to go on for very long when I am in this industry. It's as if this job is giving me a silent ultimatum: Either you stay on in this company/industry or you choose love. It's like the ultimatum my mum gave me 4 years ago that made me leave my family home.

Over the last few days, I have been given the liberty of time and space to really reflect on what has happened in my life over the last few years and everything is slowly coming to light. I say slowly coz not everything is awfully clear yet at this point in time. In terms of my career, it's either hotel marketing or teaching. That much is pretty much clear. In terms of my love life, I am going to be very focused on what kind of traits and characteristics I will appreciate in my potential other half.

He needs to:

- Love me.

- Be open minded about my character and lifestyle.

- Come with a slight past so we will be able to understand each other much better.

- Love animals. I'm saying this under this category becoz it will be fantastic if he loves any form of animals but this is negotiable if he is willing to try and adapt.

- Work on shore so communication will be so much easier. BUT also negotiable depending on the nature of his job and how much he suits me as a bf.

- Sociable and be comfortable being this way.

- Independent. I enjoy my couple time as much as I relish my personal time so he needs to also have his own activities to occupy his time too. Works both ways.

- Serious about his future.

He preferably is:

- Tall. Ok la I think a height of 172cm to 178cm is perfect coz I'm not very tall myself.

- Slim. Or at least he also hopefully enjoys keeping fit and being healthy and trim.

- Party with me sometimes when the situation calls for it. No I don't want him to be a party freak but at least enjoy a few glasses once in awhile.

- Enjoy the sun and beach.

I'm not too concerned about looks. As long as he is pleasant looking to me, I'm ok already. Of coz if he is cute, it will be an additional bonus. Haha...

But for now, career first.

Tolora