It seems as I grow older, the more angsty, yet mellower I become. I know, it's an oxymoron, but this chapter of my life has been nothing but eye-opening.
Now I seem to truly understand what "eye-opening" means.
It's gonna be a rather sombre post. The thing is. I'm not even interested in reading my past posts, something I used to do every time I come here to write. Feels as if some part of me does not want to remember the things I used to say. Or feel. Or thought. Whatever. It's just not a thing for me anymore.
I'm not saying I don't miss facets of my youth. I do. What's there not to miss right? But I feel like I'm at a point in my life where the little things may frustrate me, but they don't mean much to me as they used to. My life right now seems to be about looking at the general picture and just...taking it from there.
It's not easy. Being the way I am now can lead to a lot of confusions, both for myself and the people around me. On one hand, it is evident I am trying to find a solution. On the other hand, it also doesn't look like I really care about what really happened. And why should I? The small details can wait. What's important is knowing what has truly happened and nipping it in the bud once and for all right?
I guess it all depends on who, or what, I'm dealing with at that moment. Life is unpredictable isn't it? And I'm not very keen on wasting too many seconds dealing with an issue that isn't going to break me. Or make me. I don't know. Either way, nothing really fazes me much anymore.
Am I jaded? Or what? Or what. I don't think I'm jaded. I still feel shit. Like I feel it, deep inside my bones, deep inside me. I feel a crazy sense of whatever I'm suppose to feel. I just don't care about, or for, it. I've got bigger fish to fry. At least that's what I want to think.
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