Easing the pain of loss

My dad sent me an sms this morning reminding me that it is my grandma's 1 month death anniversary today. How did time fly by so fast? And why did time have to fly by so fast? He also sent me an sms that my aunt replied him. I couldn't control the tears from leaking out. If I was at home, I probably would have cried. I miss her. So so much. Sometimes I pick up my phone in the middle of the day ready to call her to ask if she has taken her meals and if she was feeling ok. Then I realize she is gone forever and I can never ever do that again. And I drop tears. Even as I type this now,my eyes are welling up with tears. I thought I could not cry any more. But apparently I was wrong. It seems that everything I see, everywhere I go, I see objects and places we have been to together before and all the good times we had and cannot control my emotions. There are also places that I wanted to bring her to but never got the chance. As the song by The Wanted goes "If heartache was a physical pain I can face it,I can face it. But you're hurting me from inside of my head I can't take it,I can't take it. I'm gonna lose my mind." After her death, I've never felt so numb inside. All those times I thought I was experiencing a breakdown can never compare to this pain I feel inside at her loss. I really feel like I've lost my mind. And there are so many things I wanna do,just for her. I can't even bring myself to fall in love again. I just cannot. It's so hard. My thoughts are always on where she is right now and if she is happy. My mum told me and my dad a couple of weeks ago that she dreamt of her in her house. It was very bright and she was in her usual pjs. She seemed happy. I took it as a sign that she is finally at peace and is in a beautiful and comfortable place free from the pain that had wrecked her till her last moment. But I just miss her so much. Utterly heartbroken, Tolora