On being secure

I have a problem and I know it. Kelvin has experienced it first hand (all the bawling, the screaming for attention,etc), and my girlies have put up with my banters for the past few days.

I have a security problem. I don't have enough bouncers in dbl 0.

Wahahahahaha!

Ok serious serious. I do have a security problem. But the thing is, I was never like that. I use to be so confident and so proud of the fact that I was so confident. I prided myself on attracting the male species because of my confidence.

Then I met a guy called Ah Bao who made me realize what a complete stupid head I was. Till now I don't know how I put up with his no-shows for weeks on end without a single word of complain. Until the end, it didn't even break my heart to see him go.

And I became obsessively afraid after that when a guy I was dating suddenly created a distance between us. I would constantly ask for reassurance and break down into emotional conundrums which would drive the guys absolutely crazy. Then comes the part where they decide whether they wanna stay and work this out with me or leave.

Of coz leaving was the easiest way out for most of them la. I just took it as them pussy-ing their way out from dealing with me.

Then Kel came along and we were so tight. My insecurity kicked in when I started noticing a distance between us which he DID try to slide me into slowly but which I DIDN'T notice till later. I started wanting reassurance from him and didn't realize that I was sliding into the whole Ah Bao phase all over again. I didn't wanna lose Kel. I was afraid we would just drift and drift till we were no more.

And no after all the craziness I've finally regained my former senses and realized things are still the same. People just need time for themselves once in awhile. Where was the all-confident Joey I was so proud of back then?

So here I am now,back to where I was. Back to the point of me.

I still cannot believe how much crying I had to do to return to being....me.

Cheers!
Tolora