Where did I go wrong?

I ask myself this question a few times in a day. Where did I go wrong?

Is it the way I was told to live my life? I don't know. I really don't. But something just tells me I'm doing something wrong and it's wrecking my mental psyche and affecting my emotional stability. I always feel as if I'll go crazy one day coz my head and my heart don't speak the same language and sing the same tune.

Bawled my eyes out last night. I don't wanna go through the whole episode again so I won't even write it here. Anyway I was in a really terrible state last night and as much as I tried to hold it back, to control my emotions as well as I always do, I couldn't and you can imagine how awful I felt(and looked),today. The swelling has subsided but I kinda hoped he had hugged me as I was crying. A nice warm hug might have stopped all the nonsense. I'm surprised it didn't cross his mind to do that.

He didn't hit me if any of you are wondering. I just cried so much my eyes were so swollen this morning.

Went to the Cheshire Home today with the EHG folks. We do this every year during CNY so you can say it is some sort of a ritual we do la. It was my first time there and honestly, I was quite dumbfounded. Didn't know what to do and where to start. The entire time my head was saying,"you have a grandmother who is suffering from a painful back now. Why don't you do your just duty to her first?" It was alittle uncomfortable too. I probably may react a little better next year.

I just wanted to spill out my innermost feelings la. Everything's back to normal now. And I hope it stays this way.

Tolora